faded rainbow

the colors may have faded
following tides
even blowing winds change
remember
when you felt the canvas
with your hands?

you touched its colors
felt its breath
in your hands

look at your hands now
it is part of what made them
tremble, and grip strong
it is now part of you
that flows

cause when you touched
its colors
you took in the rainbow
to be what you are

now

co-wrote with Syed Qaiser Gilani

somewhere behind those clouds are my tears

that shall drizzle when thunder breaks, and darkness

has to end, to free the pain imprisoned by a promise

the day we dreamt, of nights in sweet slumber

somewhere after the rains have stopped, you shall

find the thorns i took off the flowers you like

that you may hold them close to your heart while i

wait for the sun to dry...then maybe the bleeding too may stop

somewhere, after you have long forgotten, as i

retreat to a faded crevice of a past, and morrows have

obscured the place where i was,too late to live anew

in the melancholic twilight of my life,

where remorse, regrets are rife somewhere, baffling

words fall over through my mind reflections of darkness

floats... a disturbing peacefulness beckons to me

and inside myself... I take cover

what would it be to stay in darkness forever

to be lost in all my scars....if

this darkness should last forever and the stars

don’t fade away

would there ever be another 'morrow?

tonight, musing..

its on nights like this that i suddenly remember how it was not to be alone...the feel of longing to come home into the arms of someone..only to find myself alone on a couch for two yet there was you, on the floor, with our shared hot cup of coffee, mostly untouched..both not saying anything..both staring on the walls that needed a repaint and oblivious to the noise of silly commercials on tv ..both not enjoying the silence but are to weak to make any effort to break it..

there were nights when your presence was like a fever that brought utter discomfort from within but not strong enough to make me leave..your words were reminders of my losses and your silence of the battles i missed..

too many gaps, and the walls too have too many cracks...we thought the house needed us to leave, abandon the bugs and the night beasts that crept into us while we dreamt, and spoiled the fun of even the worst nightmares..

and so the morning broke into our empty hearts..with a song of freedom that echoes within the void...meaningless words we thought profound...eager for a morrow that shall witness another beautiful sunset..

but tonight comes with the moon forlorn..the stars hardly whimper their brilliance...alas! i have failed to watch the sunset! or had the sun risen this morning? i dont remember...

on nights like this i wonder, had i inched myself nearer, or lied on the floor with you..or perhaps took the first sip on the coffee you made, would we have stayed?

your hands were tied when i needed a hug..will i get it if asked tonight?

tell me you are

tell me

you are real

tell me you are

i dont need to see

your face

but tell me you speak

only the truth

when we talk

tell me your brows cross

when i act silly

tell me you smile

when you see me

i dont need to touch

your hand

to feel your warmth

as things are now, you are

doing more than that

enough to last a night

otherwise lost in solitude

and then another

waited in hope

tell me you are

real

tell me

you are

a friend sent from above

or maybe the ocean where i once drowned

or perhaps from down under who gave

the push to rise

above pains and loneliness

to defy defeat

and yield to life

i know i shall

die some more, leaving

a million lives

more pebbles await a trip

on the journey

to the shore

i know i shall

live again and then again

waking to dreams some turned

to lies

eclipse will happen

again...sometimes

and you may no longer be

there to watch, much less to nudge

let tomorrow worry about its child

today you're here

tell me

you are

i love you

i haven't too many

left, to give nor to promise

i've used up dreams

now all expired

from yesteryears

some before, others, during

the many turns i took

i've used up all my rhymes

the strings of my guitar

may no longer hum

strummed pain of the past

has kept them

for a bit too long

mistaking void for solace

thinking silence means peace

come you now

in dazzling calm

and i wish i had some to offer

to match your charm

but all i have are three words

you may have

read so many times

only these three words

to say, in whisper i will

so the wind wont hear

that they may not be touched

and be blown

away from us

i pray them..stay

i hope you will

feel and know how much

giving them i leave myself nothing

still, i wish

tell me

are they enough?

leaving in peace..

allow me to be near

your breath that bathes

my parched soul, then

let me whisper

tenderly my joys

of standing near

an inch away from your dreams

i hold no pouch of gold

my hands tremble

remembering

the longing never quenched

a hunger left un-noshed

allow me to dream

without fear

i'll be taking yours

at your feet i shall lay

my cloak

drenched in yesterday's

tears

though never shall i let you

know

my life is yours

survived in meager truths

as i watched feast

cream whipped lies topped

of glitters known

let me rest

in your arms, my feeble soul

hold me

if only for this last hour

sing me your song, let me

hear my last

whimper of joy

before i go..

mine and hers

i heard the little bird

whisper her love

for the clouds that held her

wings spread in dreams

going past her skies

but she too loved the stars

those that lit her night

when her clouds got blown

by wind, away from her

those stars shone their light

and now she cries

she wants the clouds back

but cant let go

afraid so of the dark

letting the stars still

shine for her

i heard her cry

she wants her clouds back

she prays for the wind

to blow her way

hoping, reaching for them

the clouds that once held her

and now i cry

for her tears that pierced

my forming clouds

should her prayers be heard

and the wind blows

as she wishes

mine will disappear

leaving me

rains and dreams

that no star shall shine on

one day soon

one of us will stop

crying

again..i love you

i wish i can say the words

without fear

that one day i will

lose you, or maybe you will

lose me

i wish can say the words

without tears

of pain remembered

from a past, distant, but here

lingered

i wish i can say the words

without feeling so much

happiness i've never known

so strange that it almost hurts

just for me and for me

just

i wish i can say the words

and not scare you away

of strings that tie, and kills

freedom that you so desire

much

i wish i can say the words

and leave..not to wait for an answer

instead leaving you my silence

let my words echo in the walls of your thoughts

...i love you...

may you hear me

once

say

i love you

i

the soul that searched

amidst dreams and illusions

finding fate

failing reasons

losing

love

eternally pledged

in vows of pride

held high in pedestals of mortals

that gods enticed, in mock

spits blood...

drenched, and on leash

one fights, struggles

until he finds

you

the breeze that stings, painful, yes

but cleansed the smog

bleak past re-drawn, as we watch

the sky reinvents itself

in hues as true

i never knew

soil and ashes

it is when i dont speak that i want you to listen

words fail sometimes at what a heart feels

i'd rather be silent and let you just watch

how in me you created a world i'd want to last

it is when the night shall set free the dusk

let light pour in seeps and trickle till it floods

not to blind of brightness and to drown of warmth

but in slow, light nudging strokes of hope i bask

it is when the day shall come to another end

pages turned, lost, some even burnt

leaves fell to be one, anew, of soil and ashes

finding peace in knowing some day...

one day..we shall be too

one with them...of fragments that lived

of debris that remained...one again

but not alone no more...with them...with you

of them and us....soil and ashes