tonight, musing..

its on nights like this that i suddenly remember how it was not to be alone...the feel of longing to come home into the arms of someone..only to find myself alone on a couch for two yet there was you, on the floor, with our shared hot cup of coffee, mostly untouched..both not saying anything..both staring on the walls that needed a repaint and oblivious to the noise of silly commercials on tv ..both not enjoying the silence but are to weak to make any effort to break it..

there were nights when your presence was like a fever that brought utter discomfort from within but not strong enough to make me leave..your words were reminders of my losses and your silence of the battles i missed..

too many gaps, and the walls too have too many cracks...we thought the house needed us to leave, abandon the bugs and the night beasts that crept into us while we dreamt, and spoiled the fun of even the worst nightmares..

and so the morning broke into our empty hearts..with a song of freedom that echoes within the void...meaningless words we thought profound...eager for a morrow that shall witness another beautiful sunset..

but tonight comes with the moon forlorn..the stars hardly whimper their brilliance...alas! i have failed to watch the sunset! or had the sun risen this morning? i dont remember...

on nights like this i wonder, had i inched myself nearer, or lied on the floor with you..or perhaps took the first sip on the coffee you made, would we have stayed?

your hands were tied when i needed a hug..will i get it if asked tonight?